I took the kids to Mote Marine this morning. Every year my friend, Michelle, rounds up her friend’s and their kids for a trip to the aquarium – courtesy of a rich man she is a C.N.A. for. He has donated major dollars to the aquarium so can get as many free passes as he pleases. Nice. Note to self… send thank you notes to both Michelle and Mr. R.
This is our third year going. Each year it gets better and better. As I strolled Bella around, watching her gleefully point at everything that moved, Max hung onto Michelle like she was his favorite person in the world. And you know what? Sometimes, she is. Her son, meanwhile, was also attached to another mama.
It is neat seeing how independent my boy and his friends have become. This is also conformation to my belief that children (at least mine) are not meant to be around only one adult all day. I really believe on all levels that it takes a village to raise a child and if anyone thinks he/she can do it alone… well, they are braver and stronger (and a little nuttier) than I. As a friend once said to me, there should be three adults to every child. One who can mind and enjoy the child while the other two enjoy their adult company. Then rotate.
Yes, it was a lovely morning. So why oh why did I have to fuck it up by stopping at an ice cream shop on our way home? I have never taken Max to a real ice cream shop (or any for that matter) so thought it would be quaint. It seemed like a good idea at the time – the perfectly sweet mid-day ending to our lovely outing.
Everything was perfect until…
I knew it was going to get hairy after Max ate his ice cream cone and started asking for candy. Of-course, being the “responsible-with-his-diet” adult that I am, I seriously contemplated it just to shut him up, but ended up saying that nasty two letter word, no.
Then came the series of difficult to deal with behaviors.
As we were leaving…
He needed to “play” the video games, he needed to turn everything on in my car, he needed to be asked 20 times to get into his car seat (the car scene is an every day occurrence but sometimes I don’t have the patience for it) he wanted to go to his Lola’s (grandma’s), he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, he screamed his curly little head off until he fell asleep – which wasn’t soon enough. It was loud in our car. Bella must have been exhausted from the fish park because she still managed to fall asleep while Max and I were duking it out.
I said some very regretful things to Max (since I know you want to know… I called him a fucking brat – several times in several different ways… you’re acting like a fucking brat, you’re such a fucking brat right now, stop acting like a fucking brat!).
And I later had to apologize to him. I have never spoken to him this way and have never called him names before this.
Our apology conversation went something like this:
Me: Max, we had a pretty loud fight in the car today.
Max: uh huh
Me: you said some mean things to me and I said some really hurtful words to you (he’s been calling me stupid – oh the things kids pick up in school – and saying, I don’t care, a lot).
Max: I know. (he stressed the “know” word)
Me: I’m really sorry for the hurtful way that I spoke to you.
Max: I’m sorry for saying mean things to you, too, mommy.
Me: I love you sweetie.
Max: I love you too mommy.
Snuggle, snuggle, hugs and kisses.
Ah, so sweet. Thank you Max, for that conversation. I feel awful for what I let slip from my mouth (even if I did really think it at the time).
His biggest melt down was because I originally told him we’d stop by his Lola’s but changed my mind because of his behavior. Bad move on my part. I often think his battiness comes from spending too much time with his grandparents. Any time he is with them for more than one day a week, he comes home just a bit more annoying/disrespectful/demanding. Maybe because they never say “no” to him?
I love that he is close to his grandparents but I still need to keep his visits to a once a week thing, lest he turns into the monster he did today. Not that I was any less than a monster.
What’s my excuse??? Um, normal reaction to spending every waking moment with someone who manages to push all your buttons several times a day, simultaneously, without regret/remorse and you’ve been so good to not react but have a moment of weakness, normal? Yes! That’s it.
There were some other moments today that were trying but there were also many good laughs.
Kids really do bring out the best and worst in you. The cool thing about kids, I’ve found, is that every moment is a new moment to get it right.
I’ve had days like these – I like how you put it at the end. “Kids really do bring out the best and worst in you. The cool thing about kids, I’ve found, is that every moment is a new moment to get it right.” I have a new book I just love, called Breaking The Good Mom Myth, in it the author reminds readers that we all make mistakes, because that’s how we learn. She goes on to say we should therefore aim for 10 mistakes a day!