There has been a Universal shift in anger energy in the Harmon household. I’m not talking about my home, but my MIL’s home. (In our home we work hard to practice mindfulness, especially when it comes to how we express anger. We all get angry sometimes, but… Don’t go to bed angry! Or part company angry! And mind your words when angry! You get the idea. Its a life long practice and we are hoping our children will be better at understanding and responding to their anger than their parents. And grandparents.)
Hal and I were sure that once our family from California went home after their week long visit, MIL would hate us for something. We guessed it would be because we didn’t let Max go to Universal Studios and Disney with them. Which, by the way… I spoke to my SIL (Hal’s brother’s girlfriend) yesterday who did go with her 3 kids and BIL… my SIL said it was the WORST idea ever. Her kids were miserable in the heat and the amount of people that went together made it impossible to accommodate everyone’s needs. NOT that I needed [more or any] confirmation that we made the right choice for Max, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to hear. Anyhoo… turns out that MIL is angry with my BIL – Hal’s only brother. MIL’s favorite child (yes, she has admitted this to Hal).
Whew.
While I totally hate that MIL feels the need to have so much drama in her life, I am happy that the drama isn’t directed towards my little family – for a change. And Hal is happy that for once, he isn’t the bad son. BIL is like a carbon copy of MIL so he can take it and they will be okay, just like we always are.
So yeah, we get to enjoy a few more weeks of cool headed camaraderie with MIL. Although, we are stuck listening to her go on and on about BIL and his girlfriend. All we can do is not encourage her and guide her as gently as possible into forgiveness. She’ll get there eventually. She is such a hot head, that one.
She got into a huge fight with FIL yesterday in front of Hal, Max, myself, Bella was sleeping thank the stars, Grandma, BIL, SIL, and their four children. MIL took a swing at FIL with her big honking purse. She was mad because FIL’s friend was parked in the driveway blocking her from getting into the garage. Apparently this friend of FIL’s has been an ongoing issue for MIL. She was yelling that crazy at the top of her lungs yell that she yells when she’s out-of-control mad and FIL just kept poking fun at her.
This, of-course, pissed her off more. FIL was calling her stupid like a three year old would call his peers stupid. He was taunting her. Hal and I were so disturbed we couldn’t look directly into the faces of MIL or FIL. The children were laughing a very nervous and confused laugh. They were all right underneath MIL and FIL when this was happening. All of us adults were in shock at what was going on and didn’t want to, nor know how to, intervene.
BIL was next. SIL gathered up their kids.
I spoke with SIL and BIL before they left to keep solidarity between us. It was quite the crazy event. FIL left and everything quieted down (except MIL went on and on for about an hour before she stopped – which was fine, she needed to vent). Strangely enough, the rest of the night (after MIL stopped her rant) was one of my finest and most fun nights over there (sober).
I often wonder if MIL and FIL will “make it.”
Later I asked Max what he thought of Grandpa and Lola fighting. He said it was “funny.” Hmm. I suppose it was. I think FIL started taunting MIL because he didn’t want the kids to get scared by her anger and he didn’t know any other way to deal with the situation. It worked.
Though, now I’m back at square one with teaching Max that we don’t call each other “stupid” when we’re angry.
And just as proof to myself that I do go outside (to water my plants – eh, to let Max water my plants) during Summer:
it is so hard to teach our kids what we want and live in a big world at the same time. we struggle with it too. sometimes we undo a lot of what others do, but mostly other people remind me of good things to share with the kids (like saying “excuse me” before interrupting).
nice post
kim
YEs, so true, Kim. I wasn’t as bothered by the tempers flying (and the purse) as I would have thought. It seems pretty normal and healthy to me that my kids see that other people have different ways of dealing with their anger and how that affects those involved. I mean, if it got *really* violent or scary I would have ran out of there with my kids in a heartbeat. It was a screaming match more than anything. And those are their grandparents. normal. dysfunctional. people. ah, family. gotta love em’. i also love when other people *teach* my kids the good stuff, too.